Saturday, March 1, 2014
Feeling realistic and loved. Second place in Daddy's life is first place to me.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Daddy and i are in a pretty big fight. Told him not to text me (he wont invite me to his place and that hurts me so that's why i said it..not a great reason but the truth).Haven't heard from him since. I miss him. Our fights always stem from my not feeling appreciated, and him feeling i am too temperamental.
Honestly, i rather let him go if i need to, than to lie and pretend everything is dandy. He gets comfortable with seeing each other at a hotel a few times month. That isn't enough for me. I respect his obligations deeply. Still, at least once in a while invite me over..ya know? Let me be at least a small piece of your actual life. Otherwise, i can't help but feel like just his escape.
It's hard. Really hard and a bit painful. If we can't meet each other half way though, then both of us deserve someone who can.
Uncertain at this point.
Miss him. I want to apologize to him, but i know what I'm asking for is reasonable. I want to apologize and shove my feelings and needs under the rug, but i can't keep doing that. We both have to be honest with ourselves and each other.
Still, it hurts and sucks right now. Who knows if I will even hear from him again.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
I am temperamental. Can be. I am focused and calm in bed. I am smart and level headed in discussions. In day to day relationship matters, I am temperamental. Things that others wouldn't get too upset by, I become unglued.
So, of course, the universe has us meet. And it is passionate and wonderful and also not without challenges.
We've had two maybe three heart to heart conversations about where things stand between us. Tonight was the most recent one. He is amazing about talking through things. I am blessed. He heard my side, I heard his side. (We both are really on one side because we can't get away from our feelings for each other). He agreed to be more sensitive to my feelings. I agreed to make more effort to be rational. In a nutshell.
We had amazing sex. I have never felt so into it than tonight.
Who knows what the future holds? It doesn't exist. And the past is the past. What matters is we are both trying. And I've honestly never really had a relationship like that, where both are making a genuine effort. It's refreshing. And scary too. Because the more I invest my feelings, the more I have to lose.. but also to gain..
When we were making love tonight, I whispered "Daddy, daddy" softly and he couldn't hear me. He asked me to repeat what I said, so I said it louder "Daddy.. daddy.." Him inside me and knowing he is my Daddy.. just feels like home.