Saturday, March 1, 2014


Daddy and I made up.  It's gonna be a struggle until we get married.  And a new type of struggle once we hopefully finally do.  Dating a single devoted father is not always sunshine and rainbows, right off the bat i know i come second (as it should be).  As long as our love is bigger than our disagreements, we can handle the ups and downs.  We have made it through a lot already.

Feeling realistic and loved.  Second place in Daddy's life is first place to me.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

The fight

Daddy and i are in a pretty big fight. Told him not to text me (he wont invite me to his place and that hurts me so that's why i said it..not a great reason but the truth).Haven't heard from him since. I miss him. Our fights always stem from my not feeling appreciated, and him feeling i am too temperamental.

Honestly, i rather let him go if i need to, than to lie and pretend everything is dandy. He gets comfortable with seeing each other at a hotel a few times month. That isn't enough for me. I respect his obligations deeply. Still, at least once in a while invite me over..ya know? Let me be at least a small piece of your actual life. Otherwise, i can't help but feel like just his escape.

It's hard. Really hard and a bit painful. If we can't meet each other half way though, then both of us deserve someone who can.

Uncertain at this point.

Miss him. I want to apologize to him, but i know what I'm asking for is reasonable. I want to apologize and shove my feelings and needs under the rug, but i can't keep doing that. We both have to be honest with ourselves and each other.

Still, it hurts and sucks right now. Who knows if I will even hear from him again.

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Daddy is a perfect fit. I love to take him all in and have him tell me that he knows his penis is the one I've been waiting for. When we make love, I am overwhelmed by emotion. It is like getting to an oasis after being thirsty for days. Nothing or no one else could quench my desire. 

When we get to spend an afternoon laying in bed together. I in his arms, us sharing stories.. nothing else matters. 

Beyond sex, Daddy and I have growing depth to our relationship which I treasure.

Things i have learned that help:

Accept someone for who they are. No one will change, or should need to change, for us. We all grow and change in time, and relationships are a give and take. In the meantime, to be constantly annoyed or angry at our partner, is pointless. It's not fair to them, it's not fair to us, and it's damn miserable of a life to settle on.

Make yourself happy. Daddy makes me happier... so much happier... and I thank God for Him. Still, He wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't somewhat happy already. Looking to someone else to save us and make us happy, is a solid foundation for a house made of sand.

Pick your battles and truly let the rest go. Relationships take work, and that involves disagreements, misunderstandings and conflict at times. The battles we pick need to be few and far between. Otherwise, like the boy who cried wolf, our arguments lose meaning, and go from being helpful to draining. 

We create the life we want, and we accept the love we think we deserve. Long as we have a partner willing to grow and learn with us, we have all the tools necessary for a healthy mature relationship.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Terms of endearment

Daddy is careful with his words. He says what he means and doesn't say too much extra stuff.

I'm more of a circular talker. I often say a whole bunch of things that really probably could be said much simpler, but that's just how I tend to express.

He though keeps things short and to the point.

Well, recently he has said two things to me that melted my heart and made me feel so very special. And both involved a few simple but powerful words.

On New Year's Eve, he addressed me as his love.

Then last night he addressed me as "beautiful."

I am not too great with compliments. So, when he called me beautiful I felt wonderful inside, and still also felt the need to correct him and tell him no I'm not beautiful. I wish I were as smooth and calm as he is with expressing how I feel. But then again, he accepts me as I am and probably wouldn't want to be dating his exact replica.

My favorite term of endearment for Him is simply Daddy. Although sometimes I do like to call him babe.

Monday, January 13, 2014


I struggled with body image issues since i was 11. Not because I was really even overweight. But my dad made some comment about how I was overweight... (i was just going through puberty and no longer the pre-pubescent girl he loved). So, I spent the next TWO decades of my life in the throws of eating disorder (to the point it messed up my thyroid and liver levels on blood tests).

I got help. I got better. Still, some things you never fully "get over." You just learn to accept, forgive and be kind to yourself.

Well, Daddy... is amazing... because he could not care LESS how much I weigh. He told me he dated a woman more than twice my size. I said "Really???" He said yea.. nonchalantly like he does. 

I love him. I love he doesn't care how much I weigh. I love his main concern is that I am emotionally healthy! What a concept, what a blessing.

Struggling with hating myself since age 11 is not easy. But today I know I have sooo much to be thankful for. And, to have met a man who loves me, not my weight or body fat percentage... makes me glad I never fully gave up on God. 

All young women, and mature women, need to understand how special we are based on our character, not our looks!

Saturday, January 11, 2014


He is nonchalant. Can be. He is passionate in bed. He is fun and interesting in conversation. In day to day relationship matters, he is nonchalant. Things that may get others anxious simply do not get him unglued.

I am temperamental. Can be. I am focused and calm in bed. I am smart and level headed in discussions. In day to day relationship matters, I am temperamental. Things that others wouldn't get too upset by, I become unglued.

So, of course, the universe has us meet. And it is passionate and wonderful and also not without challenges.

We've had two maybe three heart to heart conversations about where things stand between us. Tonight was the most recent one. He is amazing about talking through things. I am blessed. He heard my side, I heard his side. (We both are really on one side because we can't get away from our feelings for each other). He agreed to be more sensitive to my feelings. I agreed to make more effort to be rational. In a nutshell.

We had amazing sex. I have never felt so into it than tonight.

Who knows what the future holds? It doesn't exist. And the past is the past. What matters is we are both trying. And I've honestly never really had a relationship like that, where both are making a genuine effort. It's refreshing. And scary too. Because the more I invest my feelings, the more I have to lose.. but also to gain..

When we were making love tonight, I whispered "Daddy, daddy" softly and he couldn't hear me. He asked me to repeat what I said, so I said it louder "Daddy.. daddy.."  Him inside me and knowing he is my Daddy.. just feels like home.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

A submissive's choice

When Daddy and i first met, had no earthly clue he was dominant. He was polite, calm, great sense of humor and intelligent. In retrospect, his dominant nature is woven through all of these characteristics.

Guess back then, I still fooled myself into believing "dominant" meant the opposite - controlling, harsh. In my previous relationship, that is what I knew.

During the initial few weeks of us meeting, i was on my best behavior - not showing any real emotion, acting sweet at all times. Secretly though, questioning his motives, if he really liked me, would he cheat on me (yeah, a few weeks into it, and i was already worried about things like that.). Of course, those insecurities had to do with me doubting myself.

Before long, my sweet mode started to crack. i started to test Daddy, a lot. Yep, i the submissive one testing Him. He wouldn't be pulled down or pulled in. Just like any good Daddy, he would leave me alone to throw fits and tantrums, and initially it would make me downright angry and even want to lash out at him more.

He didn't give in. After a while, i figured he must not really love me, and so i moved on, dated others (all guys who were not at all good for me, but like the little kid who runs away, and the parents pack the suitcase and let her see for herself, he too sent me on my 'merry' way, never backing down from being who He is.)

For about a year, we barely saw each other, barely kept in touch. When we did communicate, it often escalated to arguing and we both i think shed our outer shell and just got to know each other in a real way. Since we weren't formerly "together," but we still kept in touch, we had the added hardship of knowing both had talked with/been with others. If that doesn't either strengthen or break a relationship, I don't know what does.

One thing remained. We would keep coming back to each other. 

It wasn't until a year after we met, that Daddy first made love to me. It was a night that i could relive a million times. The only thing i would change, is i would have stayed for the whole night. At that time, i was working two jobs and exhausted. However, i think even then, a part of me went home, because again, i was worrying about getting too attached.

Now, Daddy has made love to me a lot, and honestly, other men would probably not even deal with me, if i put them through even half of what i put Him through. I have learned to trust him. I have learned that even when i think i know what is best, He knows better than my best. Of course he is open to my input. Just that there is a way to give it and i am learning how to do that, with respect for His ultimate decision in all matters. My one decision is whether or not i choose to be his. Yes i do. See, i can make some good decisions too :)