Sunday, December 15, 2013

A submissive's choice

When Daddy and i first met, had no earthly clue he was dominant. He was polite, calm, great sense of humor and intelligent. In retrospect, his dominant nature is woven through all of these characteristics.

Guess back then, I still fooled myself into believing "dominant" meant the opposite - controlling, harsh. In my previous relationship, that is what I knew.

During the initial few weeks of us meeting, i was on my best behavior - not showing any real emotion, acting sweet at all times. Secretly though, questioning his motives, if he really liked me, would he cheat on me (yeah, a few weeks into it, and i was already worried about things like that.). Of course, those insecurities had to do with me doubting myself.

Before long, my sweet mode started to crack. i started to test Daddy, a lot. Yep, i the submissive one testing Him. He wouldn't be pulled down or pulled in. Just like any good Daddy, he would leave me alone to throw fits and tantrums, and initially it would make me downright angry and even want to lash out at him more.

He didn't give in. After a while, i figured he must not really love me, and so i moved on, dated others (all guys who were not at all good for me, but like the little kid who runs away, and the parents pack the suitcase and let her see for herself, he too sent me on my 'merry' way, never backing down from being who He is.)

For about a year, we barely saw each other, barely kept in touch. When we did communicate, it often escalated to arguing and we both i think shed our outer shell and just got to know each other in a real way. Since we weren't formerly "together," but we still kept in touch, we had the added hardship of knowing both had talked with/been with others. If that doesn't either strengthen or break a relationship, I don't know what does.

One thing remained. We would keep coming back to each other. 

It wasn't until a year after we met, that Daddy first made love to me. It was a night that i could relive a million times. The only thing i would change, is i would have stayed for the whole night. At that time, i was working two jobs and exhausted. However, i think even then, a part of me went home, because again, i was worrying about getting too attached.

Now, Daddy has made love to me a lot, and honestly, other men would probably not even deal with me, if i put them through even half of what i put Him through. I have learned to trust him. I have learned that even when i think i know what is best, He knows better than my best. Of course he is open to my input. Just that there is a way to give it and i am learning how to do that, with respect for His ultimate decision in all matters. My one decision is whether or not i choose to be his. Yes i do. See, i can make some good decisions too :)

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