Sunday, December 15, 2013

A submissive's choice

When Daddy and i first met, had no earthly clue he was dominant. He was polite, calm, great sense of humor and intelligent. In retrospect, his dominant nature is woven through all of these characteristics.

Guess back then, I still fooled myself into believing "dominant" meant the opposite - controlling, harsh. In my previous relationship, that is what I knew.

During the initial few weeks of us meeting, i was on my best behavior - not showing any real emotion, acting sweet at all times. Secretly though, questioning his motives, if he really liked me, would he cheat on me (yeah, a few weeks into it, and i was already worried about things like that.). Of course, those insecurities had to do with me doubting myself.

Before long, my sweet mode started to crack. i started to test Daddy, a lot. Yep, i the submissive one testing Him. He wouldn't be pulled down or pulled in. Just like any good Daddy, he would leave me alone to throw fits and tantrums, and initially it would make me downright angry and even want to lash out at him more.

He didn't give in. After a while, i figured he must not really love me, and so i moved on, dated others (all guys who were not at all good for me, but like the little kid who runs away, and the parents pack the suitcase and let her see for herself, he too sent me on my 'merry' way, never backing down from being who He is.)

For about a year, we barely saw each other, barely kept in touch. When we did communicate, it often escalated to arguing and we both i think shed our outer shell and just got to know each other in a real way. Since we weren't formerly "together," but we still kept in touch, we had the added hardship of knowing both had talked with/been with others. If that doesn't either strengthen or break a relationship, I don't know what does.

One thing remained. We would keep coming back to each other. 

It wasn't until a year after we met, that Daddy first made love to me. It was a night that i could relive a million times. The only thing i would change, is i would have stayed for the whole night. At that time, i was working two jobs and exhausted. However, i think even then, a part of me went home, because again, i was worrying about getting too attached.

Now, Daddy has made love to me a lot, and honestly, other men would probably not even deal with me, if i put them through even half of what i put Him through. I have learned to trust him. I have learned that even when i think i know what is best, He knows better than my best. Of course he is open to my input. Just that there is a way to give it and i am learning how to do that, with respect for His ultimate decision in all matters. My one decision is whether or not i choose to be his. Yes i do. See, i can make some good decisions too :)

Friday, December 13, 2013

Love is worth it

Daddy doesn't talk much about his emotions. He is a sensitive person. Very much so. Just that he isn't emotional. He manages his feelings is best way to put it.

A few weeks ago when we were in a bit of a heated discussion, I told him, "Whatever gets you through the day!"

His response, "Thinking about you."

He is definitely romantic and sensitive. He has a way to disarm me when I'm upset. Now though... I pray for guidance how to offer him comfort. Wish I could make everything ok. I miss him and want to hold him. I know I need to be strong. He is so strong. Sometimes I start wondering does he even need me? Truth is, some of the strongest people, surround themselves with those who help build them up. I just want to be that for Him. Right now, supporting him and giving him space to handle his affairs is the best I can seem to do.

Love is worth whatever it takes.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Silent support

One of the hardest things is knowing He is dealing with something painful or difficult and that there is not much at all I can do to help. I respect Daddy's privacy and won't discuss but in general he copes with a lot. And when something unexpected happens, He handles it like the amazing person he is. With calm and grace. All I can do is tell him I'm here for him. He doesn't get emotional and will deal with whatever life brings. Still, I know he has feelings and fears like everyone. Times like these, I wish I could take his struggles away. All I can do is be calm and strong for him. Silently supporting my daddy so he can tend to what he needs to tend to, is the best I can do. Wish I could do more but I know he just needs me to stay strong and let him handle things.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

A quiet leader

When Daddy was over to watch the movie with me, he had to take a call from someone special to him. He didn't leave the room, so I just stayed quiet beside him as he spoke on the phone. Daddy is always the same. He sounded calm, loving and caring. Like he is with me. The depth of his caring for the important people in his life warms my heart. I can tear up when thinking about this.

I have noticed Daddy is intentional. He puts time and energy into what matters and doesn't get swayed by trivial issues. He is fine with saying no to things he doesn't have time for, or that would keep him from what is more important. It helps to follow his quiet lead, to say no to things that distract me from my purpose, which is to please him.

Right now, I would say on an average week, I please him about 75-80 percent of the time (not sure if He would agree!). I know 100 percent is an ideal, but I think I can get myself closer to 90. Pleasing Daddy just means I am focused on what matters: pretty sure all he wants from me is to be patient, calm, and strong like when he first met me.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A night to build a dream on

We had a lovely evening. Once daddy learned I wasn't quite done with time of month, he just let us have a sweet movie night like a couple of high schoolers. Pretty sure I don't need to explain the wonderfulness of that. I thanked him. He just said, "Our pleasure."

Sweet night. Amazing man.

Monday, December 2, 2013


I acted up again and Daddy has been gracious enough to set aside time for us to spend quality time this evening. Pretty sure he knows no matter how upset I get, it stems from wanting to spend time.

Gonna wear a skirt and make sure house is clean and tidy. Looking forward to seeing my daddy and pleasing him, is almost as sweet as the actual thing, not quite though.

Wish everyone in my real life saw how he is with me: patient, understanding, loving. They would understand in a heartbeat why I'm stuck on him forever.

Now off to walk the pup and just focus mundane things to help stay relaxed.