Second

Daddy and I made up.  It's gonna be a struggle until we get married.  And a new type of struggle once we hopefully finally do.  Dating a single devoted father is not always sunshine and rainbows, right off the bat i know i come second (as it should be).  As long as our love is bigger than our disagreements, we can handle the ups and downs.  We have made it through a lot already.

Feeling realistic and loved.  Second place in Daddy's life is first place to me.

The fight

Daddy and i are in a pretty big fight. Told him not to text me (he wont invite me to his place and that hurts me so that's why i said it..not a great reason but the truth).Haven't heard from him since. I miss him. Our fights always stem from my not feeling appreciated, and him feeling i am too temperamental.

Honestly, i rather let him go if i need to, than to lie and pretend everything is dandy. He gets comfortable with seeing each other at a hotel a few times month. That isn't enough for me. I respect his obligations deeply. Still, at least once in a while invite me over..ya know? Let me be at least a small piece of your actual life. Otherwise, i can't help but feel like just his escape.

It's hard. Really hard and a bit painful. If we can't meet each other half way though, then both of us deserve someone who can.

Uncertain at this point.

Miss him. I want to apologize to him, but i know what I'm asking for is reasonable. I want to apologize and shove my feelings and needs under the rug, but i can't keep doing that. We both have to be honest with ourselves and each other.

Still, it hurts and sucks right now. Who knows if I will even hear from him again.

Depth

Daddy is a perfect fit. I love to take him all in and have him tell me that he knows his penis is the one I've been waiting for. When we make love, I am overwhelmed by emotion. It is like getting to an oasis after being thirsty for days. Nothing or no one else could quench my desire. 

When we get to spend an afternoon laying in bed together. I in his arms, us sharing stories.. nothing else matters. 

Beyond sex, Daddy and I have growing depth to our relationship which I treasure.

Things i have learned that help:

Accept someone for who they are. No one will change, or should need to change, for us. We all grow and change in time, and relationships are a give and take. In the meantime, to be constantly annoyed or angry at our partner, is pointless. It's not fair to them, it's not fair to us, and it's damn miserable of a life to settle on.

Make yourself happy. Daddy makes me happier... so much happier... and I thank God for Him. Still, He wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't somewhat happy already. Looking to someone else to save us and make us happy, is a solid foundation for a house made of sand.

Pick your battles and truly let the rest go. Relationships take work, and that involves disagreements, misunderstandings and conflict at times. The battles we pick need to be few and far between. Otherwise, like the boy who cried wolf, our arguments lose meaning, and go from being helpful to draining. 

We create the life we want, and we accept the love we think we deserve. Long as we have a partner willing to grow and learn with us, we have all the tools necessary for a healthy mature relationship.

Terms of endearment

Daddy is careful with his words. He says what he means and doesn't say too much extra stuff.

I'm more of a circular talker. I often say a whole bunch of things that really probably could be said much simpler, but that's just how I tend to express.

He though keeps things short and to the point.

Well, recently he has said two things to me that melted my heart and made me feel so very special. And both involved a few simple but powerful words.

On New Year's Eve, he addressed me as his love.

Then last night he addressed me as "beautiful."

I am not too great with compliments. So, when he called me beautiful I felt wonderful inside, and still also felt the need to correct him and tell him no I'm not beautiful. I wish I were as smooth and calm as he is with expressing how I feel. But then again, he accepts me as I am and probably wouldn't want to be dating his exact replica.

My favorite term of endearment for Him is simply Daddy. Although sometimes I do like to call him babe.

Weight

I struggled with body image issues since i was 11. Not because I was really even overweight. But my dad made some comment about how I was overweight... (i was just going through puberty and no longer the pre-pubescent girl he loved). So, I spent the next TWO decades of my life in the throws of eating disorder (to the point it messed up my thyroid and liver levels on blood tests).

I got help. I got better. Still, some things you never fully "get over." You just learn to accept, forgive and be kind to yourself.

Well, Daddy... is amazing... because he could not care LESS how much I weigh. He told me he dated a woman more than twice my size. I said "Really???" He said yea.. nonchalantly like he does. 

I love him. I love he doesn't care how much I weigh. I love his main concern is that I am emotionally healthy! What a concept, what a blessing.

Struggling with hating myself since age 11 is not easy. But today I know I have sooo much to be thankful for. And, to have met a man who loves me, not my weight or body fat percentage... makes me glad I never fully gave up on God. 

All young women, and mature women, need to understand how special we are based on our character, not our looks!

Home

He is nonchalant. Can be. He is passionate in bed. He is fun and interesting in conversation. In day to day relationship matters, he is nonchalant. Things that may get others anxious simply do not get him unglued.

I am temperamental. Can be. I am focused and calm in bed. I am smart and level headed in discussions. In day to day relationship matters, I am temperamental. Things that others wouldn't get too upset by, I become unglued.


So, of course, the universe has us meet. And it is passionate and wonderful and also not without challenges.

We've had two maybe three heart to heart conversations about where things stand between us. Tonight was the most recent one. He is amazing about talking through things. I am blessed. He heard my side, I heard his side. (We both are really on one side because we can't get away from our feelings for each other). He agreed to be more sensitive to my feelings. I agreed to make more effort to be rational. In a nutshell.

We had amazing sex. I have never felt so into it than tonight.

Who knows what the future holds? It doesn't exist. And the past is the past. What matters is we are both trying. And I've honestly never really had a relationship like that, where both are making a genuine effort. It's refreshing. And scary too. Because the more I invest my feelings, the more I have to lose.. but also to gain..

When we were making love tonight, I whispered "Daddy, daddy" softly and he couldn't hear me. He asked me to repeat what I said, so I said it louder "Daddy.. daddy.."  Him inside me and knowing he is my Daddy.. just feels like home.

A submissive's choice

When Daddy and i first met, had no earthly clue he was dominant. He was polite, calm, great sense of humor and intelligent. In retrospect, his dominant nature is woven through all of these characteristics.

Guess back then, I still fooled myself into believing "dominant" meant the opposite - controlling, harsh. In my previous relationship, that is what I knew.

During the initial few weeks of us meeting, i was on my best behavior - not showing any real emotion, acting sweet at all times. Secretly though, questioning his motives, if he really liked me, would he cheat on me (yeah, a few weeks into it, and i was already worried about things like that.). Of course, those insecurities had to do with me doubting myself.

Before long, my sweet mode started to crack. i started to test Daddy, a lot. Yep, i the submissive one testing Him. He wouldn't be pulled down or pulled in. Just like any good Daddy, he would leave me alone to throw fits and tantrums, and initially it would make me downright angry and even want to lash out at him more.

He didn't give in. After a while, i figured he must not really love me, and so i moved on, dated others (all guys who were not at all good for me, but like the little kid who runs away, and the parents pack the suitcase and let her see for herself, he too sent me on my 'merry' way, never backing down from being who He is.)

For about a year, we barely saw each other, barely kept in touch. When we did communicate, it often escalated to arguing and we both i think shed our outer shell and just got to know each other in a real way. Since we weren't formerly "together," but we still kept in touch, we had the added hardship of knowing both had talked with/been with others. If that doesn't either strengthen or break a relationship, I don't know what does.

One thing remained. We would keep coming back to each other. 

It wasn't until a year after we met, that Daddy first made love to me. It was a night that i could relive a million times. The only thing i would change, is i would have stayed for the whole night. At that time, i was working two jobs and exhausted. However, i think even then, a part of me went home, because again, i was worrying about getting too attached.

Now, Daddy has made love to me a lot, and honestly, other men would probably not even deal with me, if i put them through even half of what i put Him through. I have learned to trust him. I have learned that even when i think i know what is best, He knows better than my best. Of course he is open to my input. Just that there is a way to give it and i am learning how to do that, with respect for His ultimate decision in all matters. My one decision is whether or not i choose to be his. Yes i do. See, i can make some good decisions too :)

Love is worth it

Daddy doesn't talk much about his emotions. He is a sensitive person. Very much so. Just that he isn't emotional. He manages his feelings is best way to put it.

A few weeks ago when we were in a bit of a heated discussion, I told him, "Whatever gets you through the day!"

His response, "Thinking about you."

He is definitely romantic and sensitive. He has a way to disarm me when I'm upset. Now though... I pray for guidance how to offer him comfort. Wish I could make everything ok. I miss him and want to hold him. I know I need to be strong. He is so strong. Sometimes I start wondering does he even need me? Truth is, some of the strongest people, surround themselves with those who help build them up. I just want to be that for Him. Right now, supporting him and giving him space to handle his affairs is the best I can seem to do.

Love is worth whatever it takes.

Silent support

One of the hardest things is knowing He is dealing with something painful or difficult and that there is not much at all I can do to help. I respect Daddy's privacy and won't discuss but in general he copes with a lot. And when something unexpected happens, He handles it like the amazing person he is. With calm and grace. All I can do is tell him I'm here for him. He doesn't get emotional and will deal with whatever life brings. Still, I know he has feelings and fears like everyone. Times like these, I wish I could take his struggles away. All I can do is be calm and strong for him. Silently supporting my daddy so he can tend to what he needs to tend to, is the best I can do. Wish I could do more but I know he just needs me to stay strong and let him handle things.

A quiet leader

When Daddy was over to watch the movie with me, he had to take a call from someone special to him. He didn't leave the room, so I just stayed quiet beside him as he spoke on the phone. Daddy is always the same. He sounded calm, loving and caring. Like he is with me. The depth of his caring for the important people in his life warms my heart. I can tear up when thinking about this.

I have noticed Daddy is intentional. He puts time and energy into what matters and doesn't get swayed by trivial issues. He is fine with saying no to things he doesn't have time for, or that would keep him from what is more important. It helps to follow his quiet lead, to say no to things that distract me from my purpose, which is to please him.

Right now, I would say on an average week, I please him about 75-80 percent of the time (not sure if He would agree!). I know 100 percent is an ideal, but I think I can get myself closer to 90. Pleasing Daddy just means I am focused on what matters: pretty sure all he wants from me is to be patient, calm, and strong like when he first met me.

A night to build a dream on

We had a lovely evening. Once daddy learned I wasn't quite done with time of month, he just let us have a sweet movie night like a couple of high schoolers. Pretty sure I don't need to explain the wonderfulness of that. I thanked him. He just said, "Our pleasure."

Sweet night. Amazing man.

QT

I acted up again and Daddy has been gracious enough to set aside time for us to spend quality time this evening. Pretty sure he knows no matter how upset I get, it stems from wanting to spend time.

Gonna wear a skirt and make sure house is clean and tidy. Looking forward to seeing my daddy and pleasing him, is almost as sweet as the actual thing, not quite though.

Wish everyone in my real life saw how he is with me: patient, understanding, loving. They would understand in a heartbeat why I'm stuck on him forever.

Now off to walk the pup and just focus mundane things to help stay relaxed.

Photo

Took this on our first date a year and a half ago. A nice restaurant in town where he made me laugh hysterically throughout our meal. I was really into photographing everything back then. I like this picture because it represents for me how meeting each other was a new beginning. An open gate with greenery and sunlight, to reflect good things to come, just brings a smile to my heart.

Troubled waters

I have a close family member struggling right now. I have had rough times in my life and surely not immune, yet to watch someone i love go through is hard. No reasoning with this person. I've probably driven my daddy close to crazy venting to Him about it.

Ultimately as unreligious as I am, found myself turning to my spiritual faith. I've believed in God since a little girl. I used to pray at night for my family, extended family, friends, teachers and the whole world. I was slightly OCD and anxious too, so never wanted to leave anyone out. Lol ;-)

God is present. And times when I am helpless to help as much as I wish I could, God calms the waters.

I tell my daddy he is my anchor. He is calm and patient. And he helps hold me steady. God calms the waters and my daddy is like a human version of that.

Father in heaven, daddy on earth. Lucky and blessed girl.

Privacy

I told my daddy about the blog. He didn't ask to see it. He said it is my thoughts but just to respect his privacy.

Well, that really made me think, cause even if he is anonymous and so no one would know I'm writing about him, I realized I still need to be careful and not write anything too personal about him.

So, I will just focus on my thoughts about him and us. But, not about his personal business.

Been going through some difficult times with my own family. He has been there throughout. Even when we had an argument, he always put it aside to give support when I needed. He seems to know when i'm being real and when just whining.

A part of me wishes he would let me tell you all about him. Because, some of those private things are also the most special parts of him. He is an amazing man, wonderful father and true gentleman. Guess you'll have to take my word for it, since I can't spill all the beans. ;-(

Day after Thanksgiving

Him: You want it in the ass

me: Yes to feel closer to you

Him: What if you like it more than in the vagina

me: Will probably hurt way too much to like it more

Him: Can stick with your deep wet vagina

me: Yes daddy.

me: i'm sorry i've caused so much trouble this year.

Him: Year not over yet.


<3

Brown etc.

Brown is his favorite color. We met at work but now work different places. Working apart seems to work better for us.

Daddy and I have had a rocky road at first. Instead of pulling apart, it drew us closer. Sometimes we put up so many walls, that it does take some painful deconstructing, to get to the core of each other. We managed to do that, where I know we could have easily not gotten through, but somehow we did. I love him. Nothing I wouldn't do for him. And, just thankful every day that despite our struggles, we care about each other more.

He happens to be a gentlemanly Dom, and I'm a strong-willed sub. It works for us.

More later,

K

i'm back

This is K. i'm back after a long hiatus. So much to write about.

my daddy DD is my anchor. Will write more soon.

Hugs,

K